We have a habit of labelling things in modern society and
we like to do this; frequently when making comparisons of one against another.
They are often subjective by nature, “I think Messi was better than Pele”, and
on many occasions, never even something that can be quantified. But this
extends from harmless pub chat to labelling in schools and sport – “this young
person is talented or gifted” (whatever they mean) and therefore better than
others. But what is the impact of being labelled this as a young person? Too
often we do not see the impact through their eyes and what it actually may mean
to them. Let’s look at this using football as the example but you could replace
football with any sport or indeed school subject.
1. From
an early age being labelled as talented increases expectations and they come to
realise that when playing games the pressure is on them entirely; because they
are talented and others aren’t. More becomes expected every game and can build
and build.
2. The
knock-on effect for their own self-perception can become dangerous if others
around them are deemed less talented by themselves or adults, bordering on
developing an air of arrogance in many as that comparison kicks in.
3. Parents
can have inflated expectations, and whilst that child may be happy just playing
football with their friends, the parents habitually expect massive things and
game winning performances every week.
4. Internal
pressure on their own ability creates added weight with the child feeling that
if they don’t produce these performances every week that their parents will
stop loving them. This can stem from positive feedback only coming from a
positive performance. This is produced from within but is a dangerous feeling
to have for a young person and is linked to causes of stress and anxiety.
5. Being
talented in one sport leads to frequently being talented in others, using
athleticism and game skills as the core underpinning of skill application.
However, this may not always be the case, it could be domain specific. Expectations
from teachers and peers because of a talent in one sport can lead to increased
pressure when playing others.
6. Sibling
rivalry can have a major effect in a family dynamic. One sibling that gets
praised for being mediocre in a sport (“trying their hardest”) leads to even
greater pressure for the talented sibling to perform every week. There are no
allowances for anything different.
7. The
constant need for approval and basing their own self-worth on what other people
think of them is a dangerous place to be. It can lead to greater anxiety,
because they never fail at anything, and don’t want to let others down.
Managing this carefully is vital.
8. In
fact, the opportunity to ‘learn to fail’ is sometimes missed because of this
pursuit of excellence. Failing is a huge part of learning and feeling like its
ok to shoot for the moon and sometimes miss is essential. However, we need to
create an environment that makes it ok for this ‘miss’ to happen.
9. A
feeling of jealousy from others towards them is something that is often passed
by and helping young people deal with the feelings and comments from peers is
something we can help them manage.
10. Constantly
managing high expectations is incredibly difficult. There are two options; if
they perform great, that is expected, and if they don’t that is a failure. It
is either neutral or negative.
11. The
journey towards becoming an elite footballer is incredibly difficult and can
also give a false sense of security. Being labelled as ‘talented’ from a young
age just means they are talented today, not necessarily in five or ten years
time. Helping them understand the journey and its challenges is important.
12. Equally,
young people are often deemed talented within their peer group, but what if
that peer group is below average? Compared to their peers they are talented,
but put them in the wider world and they become average. Having had a build up
of expectations and self-worth about being talented to then see this come
shattering down is difficult and tough to manage and internalise as a child.
The role of a teacher or coach is to help the child; help
them understand the nature of the dynamics above and what it may mean to be
talented (today) compared to your peers. Emphasising the need for hard work,
recognising that it is ok not to be amazing every game and developing a growth
mindset (see Dweck, 2006) in young people is essential life skills to help them
with ongoing challenges.
The journey towards long-term talent is never easy and
dealing with disappointment is inevitable. Helping them understand this may
come in different forms is important; this could be getting de-selected from a
professional football club, not being selected by the manager to play or
dealing with a bad injury. But it is going to happen at some stage – we don’t
always win.
As a parent, regardless of their performances,
achievements or otherwise, they just want to know you still love them.
